Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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