Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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