I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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