R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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