he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You're like the curious george of whores
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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