I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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