did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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