I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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