I'm gonna have a badass scar
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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