we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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