he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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