just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize