dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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