I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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