he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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