It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
don't judge my taste in strippers
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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