She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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