You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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