i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you remember whose house we're in?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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