4 words: hood of his car
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
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