Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
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You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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