hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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