were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize