So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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