Your face is a jimmy john
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize