I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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