Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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