I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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