his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
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You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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