The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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