Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize