One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize