I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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