I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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