I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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