dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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