I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize