i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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