Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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