tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize