Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize