You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
high people should be assigned attendants
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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