i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize