i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize