I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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