i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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