I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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