Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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