Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Houston, we have a blender
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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