Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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